This
is not to say the Lutheran Church has not had dark episodes in its past. During the 1960's, every Lutheran parish
provided safe honor for one particular notorious terrorist group: the Women's Altar Guild. On the surface, the Guild's purpose was
cleaning the linens, vestments, dressing the altar
according to the season, and buying the communion wine from some discreet
liquor store. But this was mere window
dressing. It is the custom in the church
for the young Lutherans during their time in catechism class to also serve as
acolytes for worship services. This duty
requires young Lutherans to don robes, taking a candle crook, and lighting the
candles on the altar and those in the rest of the holy sanctuary. The altar guild ladies took a spy's vantage
and watched the acolytes in the performance of their duties--taking notes on
any deviations from the "proper" methodology. The shoes had to be suitable and shined. Boys had to wear suits under their robes. Girls had to wear nice but modest dresses[1]. Hair had to be in the best, respectful
styles. And candles had to be lit in the
proper order--and lit--no candle was to be left without a flame. When, at the end of the service, it was time
to put out the candles, they had to be snuffed out in the proper, reverse
order--and the bell on the acolyte's crook was not to ring when it touched the
metal ring at the top of the candles. Of
course, all had to be done in the best Lutheran reverence! The intense scrutiny made the whole affair
worrisome and more than one little Lutheran became 
nervous and sick with
anxiety at the beginning and end of the service. That was bad enough. But any deficiencies were not taken up with
the little Lutheran. No. The displeasure of the Guild was expressed to
your MOTHER--making the entire ordeal worse--and leaving her in mortifying
embarrassment. Rare was the mother who
told the ladies to go jump in the lake.
Instead, your mother returned from church in one foul mood with lectures
and heightened attentiveness for the next time your acolyte duties came
around. Heaven forbid that your mother
should be at the receiving end of another stern reprimand! Little wonder that many a young Lutheran
never darkened the door of the parish again after they completed their
catechism classes! Unfortunately, no
pastor would dare to intervene
on your behalf or the Guild would make life a living hell for him as well. (Nothing was so unsettling for the pastor as
the prospect of anonymous notes from you-know-who being passed to members of
the church council advising them to take it up at the next council meeting and
earnestly deal with his neglect and
"insufficient reverence".) As
things have developed to the present day, the power of the Altar Guild has long
been broken much to the relief of all.
Nonetheless, this liberation has come at a price. Today's young Lutheran is apt to do his
duties approaching the altar in dirty tennis shoes and smelly gym clothes under
his robe. Candles are sometimes left
unlit. And those who have a mind to can
be seen texting on their phones to their degenerate friends who were yet to get
out of their beds and enjoy the freedom of their Sunday.
.
[1] Girls serving as acolytes is a relatively recent
innovation. Adults regarded this
acceptance of girls into holy service as part of the march forward to recognize
feminine equality before God--and everybody else in particular. Meanwhile, the girls who actually had to
perform this new "privilege" had to be dragged kicking and screaming
into this honored duty.
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