THE HAZZARDS AND DOWNFALLS OF WASTED VIRGINITY

Over at Salon, Jessica Ciencin Henriquez writes article titled My Virginity Mistake.  Subtitled " I took an abstinence pledge hoping it would ensure a strong marriage. Instead, it led to a quick divorce".  The subtitle basically tells you everything.

Ms.Henriquez tells the tale of taking the vow of abstinence as young teenager at an Baptist youth camp.  "Married to Jesus", Henriquez is convinced to save herself for marriage on the promise that honoring the marriage bed would bring about a whole marriage between her future husband and herself.  She succeeds in keeping herself pure until her wedding night and that is where her relationship with her new husband fell apart.

Engaged at nineteen, at the moment she puts on her wedding dress, she suddenly gets cold feet--realizing she didn't really know the groom.  Under familial pressure (the cost of the wedding by golly!), she exchanges vows.

Henriquez confesses that she long been terrified of sex.  It is not uncommon for virgins to be apprehensive and fearful of sexual intercourse; but for Henriquez it seems it was taken to glorious heights.

That night, with a great deal of hesitation, she submits to consuming her marriage.  The experience is vastly underwhelming--a dispiriting disappointment.   Henriquez explains:  " This was not lovemaking. There was no bond, no sanctity – this was not the amazing sex I was promised from the pulpit. This was disappointment three to four times a week."

From there, she details the rapid dissolution of her marriage..During her wifely duties, she composed shopping lists in her head and faked the thralls of intimacy.  Six months later, it was all over.

Henriquez explains that because they did not engage in premarital docking procedures she didn't have a chance to learn the she and her husband to be had no chemistry.  What followed was a series of relationships where she learned how to enjoy intercourse.  Sex could be wonderful.  Today she is married to "the right guy".  Henriquez concludes by saying that for good marriage sex is important enough not to wait.

There is a lot to say about Henriquez's experience.  She seems not to take any account of the fact she married so young.  Exactly how mature was she really?  Young marriages have a bad track record in the first place.  She does say so, but she would not be the first teenager who got married so she could have sex and her raging hormones could be contented.  Needless to say, she also would not be the first teenager sex at such an early point in their live find sex is not all it's cracked up to be.  Whether within the confines of marriage or after a series of assignations, knowledge and experience is usually decisive.  One can also wonder if she gave her first occurrences with sex a chance.  Being terribly scared of physical intimacy didn't help either.

Finally, she can be faulted for marrying a man she didn't really know as a person--sex aside.  Her instincts that she was making a mistake as she put on her wedding dress should have told her a lot more than she thinks.

Throughout essay Henriquez has nothing good to say about her Baptist upbringing.  This more or less confirms the prejudices of the typical Salon reader--which likely played no small part in Salon choosing to publish her piece.  The statistics that premarital sex is a horrific influence on a future marriage (these marriages have a greater divorce rate) is never taken into account.  We are simply expected to take Henriquez's story as proof positive for her conclusion.

Baptist theology isn't my cup of tea.  But the preaching to callow teenagers in favor of waiting for sex is a pushback against the scandalous incidence of divorce in the Church.  Regarding the prevalence of teenage sex, the problem isn't really the substantial probably of unwanted pregnancy and venereal disease--although these are tribulations in their own right.  The problem is teens are having sex.  The emotional and spiritual damage of adolescent sexual intercourse is real; but is difficult to explain to a hyper-sexualized culture.

The tragedy is that in a post-Christian America, we have lost the language to speak about the spirit--much less listen.  Many adults will tell you about all the good that came about in their lives after bedding the objects of their desire and engaging in a series of hook-ups.  How can it be wrong when so much good came out of it?

This misunderstands evil.  Sin very often is the illicit use of something the Lord intended for good.  The amazement isn't that good came out of such transgressions.  The real surprise would have been if nothing good came out of it at all.